Thoughts on homesickness and being, carrots, and other things

This week has followed the course of other weeks, had its share of moments to treasure, but also had its shares of ups and downs as I have had my moments of homesickness and wrestled with the idea of being. Here are some thoughts from the other day...

'Thankfully, homesickness passes, or in the children I remember why I am here. No, I am not necessary, but in this dance of life, I can take part in mutual blessing. There are and will be the moments of loneliness here, but also the reality of love in community. My job is to teach, but also to be present and be; to see in love, to acknowledge, to laugh, to smile, to affirm, to live... In this land without familiar seasons I know to mark the passing of time, life almost has a timeless quality, and yet in it, I am reminded that our life has seasons and I feel so blessed to be here at Hope for this season. Personally, I know it will be a season of rich growth, for in stepping outside all that is known, familiar and comfortable, I have whether I like it or not, given up en element of control... In a way, I have said, 'God, here I am, do what you will, and help me, by your grace, because I don't know if I can do this on my own...'. Stepping out in faith, it is an opportunity for growth in faith, and that is a terrifying, and exciting reality. It is certainly a level of vulnerability I am not entirely comfortable with, and yet, this I do know, it is good...'

That said, learning to be is not very easy. I am good at busyness, not always presence, but I am learning and know it is a lesson I need to learn.

On a less serious note, one highlight of my week has been this morning as the high schoolers have been digging under and harvesting the carrots. Or, perhaps, the younger children have been harvesting and devouring the carrots, each with their pile, delighted to be able to eat the bounty of the earth. To dig under, they use hoes swung high above their heads. I half offered to help, but the girl I asked turned me down and I didn't try asking another. Part of me wants to try and help(I am after all a farmer at heart) but the other part of me is a little nervous about looking weak as I know these kids are way stronger than me... I will try and help another day, perhaps when all of Hope has not turned out to watch and share in the bounty. Truly, I have never seen so many carrots before in my life!

And finally, it looks like I may have negotiated and compromised my way into getting permission to leave for a weekend, so hopefully next week I will get to go to Nairobi for a little break and to run some errands. I say hopefully, because in reality I have learned to never believe anything here until it actually happens. To embrace this element of a complete lack of control, or ever knowing exactly what is happening, is much wiser than to fight it, and by embracing it you are left laughing instead of frustrated.