Where did a year go? How do I only have three days remaining in Kenya? With my children? How does one possibly begin to say goodbye?
For me, I started saying goodbye more than a week ago when I got back from an unplanned break to Western Kenya. That break is a different story to do with some drama, cultural miscommunication and misunderstanding and how I got temporarily suspended... A story I don't really feel like writing about, but from which I learned a lot about myself, about Kenyan culture and about grace. Grace because at the end of the day, that is where I turn despite any hurt or confusion, for in grace, offered and received, I can move forward. Grace is the cornerstone of my belief and life. Grace can bind us despite the brokenness of our humanity.
Perhaps I will write a little about my break, as while under unfortunate circumstances, it was rather a lovely blessing in disguise. I was exhausted from a rich and full and unrelenting pace of life here at Hope, so when I was told to take a break, some MCCers offered to let me come and stay with them. I rested, I reflected, and I remembered what it meant not to be tired, which now has been allowing myself to pour my all into my last two weeks here. I also got to see a glimpse of a larger Kenya as my friends shared their lives with me, taking me to the government school where she taught as a reading specialist, to the district hospital where he worked, to the market, the nearby town, the local eatery, the waterfalls, the hill with a spectacular view that rises over their town. They have been here for several years, and it was fun to see the level of relationships and familiarity they had in their community, helped by their somewhat fluent Kiswahili. It was good to get to reflect on my year and experiences with people familiar with the context and culture. It was a good place to recover from the drama I was getting away from. Like I said, while under unfortunate circumstances, it ended up being a rather lovely week.
Truly, I have been very blessed by the support of MCC Kenya. Prior to going to Western Kenya, we had our team meeting, and while we only have these quarterly, I am always so impressed by the people working for MCC, both Westerners and Kenyan. Also, when I am struggling here at school, or stumble into trouble, I have always felt so supported and am helped to understand the greater picture of what I am encountering. It is also a community to share the joys with of this past year. Moreover, and apparently this is not a given, we all enjoy each other and we have fun meetings. While we cover business, we also laugh a lot, and there is a definite feeling of another layer of community. This time, it was also a going away for the other SALT and myself. The first of many goodbyes.
Which brings me back to what I meant to write about... how does one say goodbye? For me, I started early, wanting to have two weeks to prepare everybody for my leaving. After eleven months, one can't just say, 'oh by the way, I go tomorrow'. I started by telling my students in class, for I leave just before exams, and so it was easy to segway from exams, to my leaving... and to tell them what an honor it has been to teach them this year. We have had fun, and I am sure they will remember their somewhat crazy American English teacher who loved them a lot. Even, because I am going before exams, they lightened my teaching load, having me only teach the Class fours this past week, so I had to say goodbye to my other classes in my teaching roll early, and almost cried doing so. I didn't mind the lighter load as it gave me more time to spend with the babies, and because I don't love revising for exams(and the other teachers know more what to do in this regards). I miss that time with the children though as they have been the best of students and friends.
I don't know how to say goodbye to babies, who won't understand. The little six won't remember me, they are too small, but I remember them and how tiny they were when they came six months ago, and I still hold them and sing to make them laugh(my singing is laughable and I only know three songs...) for even if they won't remember me, I will miss them terribly. Then there are the crazy crew of toddlers who were barely walking when I came and were all being potty trained and who now go to school and talk all the time and are so big I still can't get over it. They know me and will miss me but still are too young to really understand what it means to say goodbye.
Mostly then I have been saying goodbye to the primary, telling them I will miss them too much, will pray for them always and even if I never come again, will always love them. I tell them to always remember that, that I love them, and more importantly, that God loves them. They know God loves them though, so then I remind them again to remember that I love them and am happy to have spent this past year with them. I will miss them too much, and I know they will miss me. It is hard to believe the end of my year has come. I think they find my leaving hard to believe too... When Tuesday comes, I really don't know how I will say the final goodbye...
It has truly been an amazing challenging year. I am so thankful for the children, for the sweet relationships I have made with them, for the hours of playing together, waiting together, learning together and living together. There were things that were really hard, like my recent drama, but even that seems to be mending itself a little in my relationship with the Madam, who I admire and respect incredibly. Her life, her commitment to these children, is a witness to God's faithfulness. I am sorry for the drama that hurt our relationship, but refuse to let regret taint the richness of this year. Rather, I can hope and pray for a full reconciliation and spend my last few days sharing in the love of this community.
In these last days, I have been reflecting a lot; on this year, on what brought me here to Kenya, and on the future... If life is a journey, I am glad I could sojourn here for awhile. In all my reflections, I keep coming back to grace, God's grace, in leading me here. It was a step of faith, but as they told us back at orientation, we cannot go where God is not. Now, as I look ahead to the future, an unplanned future for the first time in years, that too is a step of faith, and I wonder where next this journey of life will lead. One thing I know though, I have been so blessed, and grown so much, during this year in Kenya, and as we say here at Hope, 'God is faithful!'
