Getting ready to say goodbye...

Where did a year go? How do I only have three days remaining in Kenya? With my children? How does one possibly begin to say goodbye?

For me, I started saying goodbye more than a week ago when I got back from an unplanned break to Western Kenya. That break is a different story to do with some drama, cultural miscommunication and misunderstanding and how I got temporarily suspended... A story I don't really feel like writing about, but from which I learned a lot about myself, about Kenyan culture and about grace. Grace because at the end of the day, that is where I turn despite any hurt or confusion, for in grace, offered and received, I can move forward. Grace is the cornerstone of my belief and life. Grace can bind us despite the brokenness of our humanity.

Perhaps I will write a little about my break, as while under unfortunate circumstances, it was rather a lovely blessing in disguise. I was exhausted from a rich and full and unrelenting pace of life here at Hope, so when I was told to take a break, some MCCers offered to let me come and stay with them. I rested, I reflected, and I remembered what it meant not to be tired, which now has been allowing myself to pour my all into my last two weeks here. I also got to see a glimpse of a larger Kenya as my friends shared their lives with me, taking me to the government school where she taught as a reading specialist, to the district hospital where he worked, to the market, the nearby town, the local eatery, the waterfalls, the hill with a spectacular view that rises over their town. They have been here for several years, and it was fun to see the level of relationships and familiarity they had in their community, helped by their somewhat fluent Kiswahili. It was good to get to reflect on my year and experiences with people familiar with the context and culture. It was a good place to recover from the drama I was getting away from. Like I said, while under unfortunate circumstances, it ended up being a rather lovely week.

Truly, I have been very blessed by the support of MCC Kenya. Prior to going to Western Kenya, we had our team meeting, and while we only have these quarterly, I am always so impressed by the people working for MCC, both Westerners and Kenyan. Also, when I am struggling here at school, or stumble into trouble, I have always felt so supported and am helped to understand the greater picture of what I am encountering. It is also a community to share the joys with of this past year. Moreover, and apparently this is not a given, we all enjoy each other and we have fun meetings. While we cover business, we also laugh a lot, and there is a definite feeling of another layer of community. This time, it was also a going away for the other SALT and myself. The first of many goodbyes.

Which brings me back to what I meant to write about... how does one say goodbye? For me, I started early, wanting to have two weeks to prepare everybody for my leaving. After eleven months, one can't just say, 'oh by the way, I go tomorrow'. I started by telling my students in class, for I leave just before exams, and so it was easy to segway from exams, to my leaving... and to tell them what an honor it has been to teach them this year. We have had fun, and I am sure they will remember their somewhat crazy American English teacher who loved them a lot. Even, because I am going before exams, they lightened my teaching load, having me only teach the Class fours this past week, so I had to say goodbye to my other classes in my teaching roll early, and almost cried doing so. I didn't mind the lighter load as it gave me more time to spend with the babies, and because I don't love revising for exams(and the other teachers know more what to do in this regards). I miss that time with the children though as they have been the best of students and friends.

I don't know how to say goodbye to babies, who won't understand. The little six won't remember me, they are too small, but I remember them and how tiny they were when they came six months ago, and I still hold them and sing to make them laugh(my singing is laughable and I only know three songs...) for even if they won't remember me, I will miss them terribly. Then there are the crazy crew of toddlers who were barely walking when I came and were all being potty trained and who now go to school and talk all the time and are so big I still can't get over it. They know me and will miss me but still are too young to really understand what it means to say goodbye.

Mostly then I have been saying goodbye to the primary, telling them I will miss them too much, will pray for them always and even if I never come again, will always love them. I tell them to always remember that, that I love them, and more importantly, that God loves them. They know God loves them though, so then I remind them again to remember that I love them and am happy to have spent this past year with them. I will miss them too much, and I know they will miss me. It is hard to believe the end of my year has come. I think they find my leaving hard to believe too... When Tuesday comes, I really don't know how I will say the final goodbye...

It has truly been an amazing challenging year. I am so thankful for the children, for the sweet relationships I have made with them, for the hours of playing together, waiting together, learning together and living together. There were things that were really hard, like my recent drama, but even that seems to be mending itself a little in my relationship with the Madam, who I admire and respect incredibly. Her life, her commitment to these children, is a witness to God's faithfulness. I am sorry for the drama that hurt our relationship, but refuse to let regret taint the richness of this year. Rather, I can hope and pray for a full reconciliation and spend my last few days sharing in the love of this community.

In these last days, I have been reflecting a lot; on this year, on what brought me here to Kenya, and on the future... If life is a journey, I am glad I could sojourn here for awhile. In all my reflections, I keep coming back to grace, God's grace, in leading me here. It was a step of faith, but as they told us back at orientation, we cannot go where God is not. Now, as I look ahead to the future, an unplanned future for the first time in years, that too is a step of faith, and I wonder where next this journey of life will lead. One thing I know though, I have been so blessed, and grown so much, during this year in Kenya, and as we say here at Hope, 'God is faithful!'

One last set of exams...

Ok, so they were only midterm exams, and the students all did quite well, but for me, it is my last set of exams as MCC bought my ticket home two weeks before we close the school for the term... (my ticket is purchased for a month from tomorrow!!!) I have warned the teachers, telling them all how much I have appreciated teaching with them this year and how much I admire their commitment to the children. They told me it was clear I really tried, that I had done a good job, and that it was clear I really cared about the students and had good relationships with them. This conversation was one of those that tells me if I was sitting for an exam of life, I seem to be passing... and I really have loved teaching here, getting to be part of this great venture of education.

Exams meanwhile are always a bit of a break for me, as I spend most of the day sitting and watching to make sure my students don't try and cheat, or steal as they call it. Also, my children are brilliant... We are always short on rubbers, so they are always borrowing from each other, and they were totally utilizing a balloon left over from our last celebration as an eraser. They really try, and keep on working towards their dreams.

In other news, it is getting colder, heading towards July as the coldest month. I used to think it was supposed to be raining a lot now, and while it does some, this is the cold season, not the rainy cold season... so after learning this, I was less alarmed by our lack of rain even though I do think our short rains were shorter and on a funny schedule this year. Still, it is getting cold, so when we aren't in school or playing sports, the children spend a lot of time just leaning up against the old dorm across from the kitchen because that wall is the best place to attract the afternoon sun and to pass the afternoon away cracking jokes and chatting. I have had some pretty hilarious times there this week, for if I walk by, the children are quick to invite me to come hangout, and always even if I was headed somewhere else, I have to say yes... for those are the times where you stop and wonder if life can get any better than this... While I love teaching, I always look  forward to the afternoon hangout times...

Meanwhile, in other news, visitors arrived last night. There are a group of six or seven women from Canada who will be here for ten days. While people have been here throughout most of my year, I do not know if this sort of a group has come before with such an element of being a group. However, they have come with our big partner who I have met as she has already visited twice since I have been here, and coming with her, I know that while I can still play host, they will be quite well taken care of and I can keep about my daily life. They took the fact htat we have mice in residence quite well(and hung all their food which looks pretty funny) so I have decided so far, they are okay... They are just the first of a string of visitors who will come between now and when I leave.

And leaving... I still can't believe I have been here ten months and my time is racing to an end... In Devotions the other day one of the girls shared Ecclesiastes 4:1, there is a time for everything under heaven. I have decided that will be my lens for leaving. There was a time to be here, and there will be a time to come home... and I have the tune to some American folk song in my head... Still, random tunes aside, I have found that a helpful context to keep my flood of emotions in, and as much as I can, I have begun to prepare myself and my children for a time of saying goodbye, wanting them to know just how much they all mean to me...

Life is beautiful

Life here is busy but in a good, full and rich kind of way... Life here is beautiful!

Last weekend I had the opportunity to do some traveling with our Madam as she needed to take her soldier to his barracks in Mombasa. It was a great weekend. I really enjoyed getting to see the coast again, but mostly getting to know the Madam more on a person to person level and to share some family life with her. Life here is always family life. If you are under the misconception that that is something very much different than family life in America, you are wrong... it is mostly just love and grace and sharing life despite our humanity together, and it is beautiful, just like it is in America... sometimes hard, but beautiful...

Another thing which is beautiful is Kenyan countryside, which I have had the opportunity to see a lot of. While I had been to Mombasa before back in December, I had made the trip their on a night bus and had no idea what lay between Nairobi and Mombasa. While on Friday we drove through the night to get there, coming back was Monday during the day, and it was stunning from the coastal farmland through the hours of African grassland, to foothills and farmland back to the outskirts of industrial Nairobi at dusk. I would have taken pictures, but I tried once and if you take pictures out of a moving vehicle, they are blurred... so you will have to simply believe, that Kenya is insanely beautiful.

Coming back to Hope is always beautiful too, even after being gone a few days; the greetings of my fellow teachers, the smiles that light up the children's faces when they see I return, and the feeling of coming home. The day to day is beautiful... the teaching which still terrifies me slightly with the gravity of my job; it is the children's future!... the babies who are getting so big but are always ready for some quality cuddling and reward you with big eyes and bright smiles... the teasing of friends as we go about our day to day... the feeling of home...

With just over a month remaining in Kenya, I feel torn between two homes; the home I have made for myself here with the children and the home which calls me back to America. It is completely natural and logical for me in the same breath to be excited to see my family and to lament how I will ever say goodbye... to count the days both in anticipation and in terror... Often, I simply begin to reflect on this past year and on the richness of it and on how much I have grown as a person, on how much these children have taught me. Often, I am simply overwhelmed by the grace in it all, by God's grace in my life in somehow bringing me here... Sometimes I simply reflect on how life is beautiful...

Time is racing...

Every morning I start my classes by writing the date on the blackboard. Sometimes I get confused because here I would say 2/6/2011 and back home I would write 6/2/2011... Still, normally I get it correct, or my students, ever helpful, correct me. Each morning I am confronted with the passage of time, and this morning I was struck by the realization, how is it June already? Then, when one of my little friends was asking when I was leaving, saying July sounds suddenly near. I remember when  a friend from Canada was leaving in January, and July seemed ages away and was easy to dismiss to the children... 'I am here for a long time yet.' Only, now I am not... I have less than fifty days remaining in Kenya, and the time is racing! I don't know how I will ever say goodbye... I told my little friend though I would be so sad and cry to say goodbye, "nitalia kusema kwaheri" but then told her I would say 'tutaonana' instead, which means we will see each other... as I hope somehow to not have it be goodbye forever, but to find a way to come back and visit all my sisters and brothers here in Kenya...

Meanwhile, when I am not moping, panicked or even excited about my quickly coming departure, life here is good, full of celebration and holiday. On Sunday  we had a sweet celebration for our soldier brother, with songs, dances, recited poems and comedies and a feast of rice, beans, chicken, bananas, buns and even soda and cake. We recently had a chapter on celebrations in my Standard four  class, and according to these kids, it is the food that makes a celebration, so Sundays affair was as good as it gets, even if with delays and how long things really take we didn't eat lunch until 5pm...

Then yesterday was Kenya's 48th Madaraka Day, or Independence Day. Kenya became independent from Britain in 1963. Here at Hope we watched the parade on TV and the singing and then the Prime Ministers speech in Kiswahili but turned the TV off during the President's speech because lunch was ready... this made me laugh although I was probably the only one actually listening by that point. He talked about how far Kenya has come in the last 48 years to achieve social services like education, and reemphasized the goals for the country to keep moving forward... Also, it meant we didn't have school which was a nice to have a midweek chance to sleep in...

Now our soldier brother leaves tomorrow to report to his unit, and I have been invited for the trip to drop him off in Mombassa. I am excited. It should be fun. I was in Mombassa briefly in December when I was on vacation, and the best thing about it is, it is on the ocean, so I  should have a chance to hopefully wave at the Indian Ocean again... And travelling with the Madam is always fun!

Anyways, in other news, I still love getting emails... and one of the babies burped on me earlier, so I smell like sour milk!

As time keeps on passing...

Greetings from Kenya,

I fear this update is rather overdue as life here has been keeping me quite busy, but in a good way. My classes are going well and I teach most mornings from 8 until 1 with a serious amount of marking on breaktimes. Then, after lunch and a cup or two or three of tea, I head to the nursery for a few hours before the kids get done with school at four when I try and go hangout with them. Sometimes I need another cup of tea between the nursery and hanging out. Then, after evenings devotions, I eat my dinner quickly before going to the nursery to help again for an hour or two before heading back to my room around nine. We are a bit short handed in the nursery which has led me to volunteer and be assigned to extra time there, mostly with the little babies as the toddlers have started nursery school and have their own schedule now. It is a full, rich if at times exhausting life, and I am very thankful for tea and coffee. Back when I was getting ready to come to Kenya and people would ask what I was most worried about, my somewhat joking but truly honest answer was that there would be no tea or coffee... Thankfully, that fear was unfounded, and so even life is busy and full, I am happy so long as I can retreat for tea or start my morning with coffee...

This past weekend I was offered a break from the norm when the Madam invited me and the other volunteer here to come to one of the older boys military training graduation on Friday. It seems like only the other day we were throwing a going away party for this young man, but now his seven months of training are over and it was time for him to graduate. Here in Kenya, the recruits are not allowed to go home at all during the training period, so he had not seen any of his family since October. Our dear Madam was very anxious to see her baby boy...

It was rather a large group of us, seventeen in all, who headed for the graduation, leaving late Thursday evening to arrive Friday morning at the Moi Barracks in Eldoret, some six hour drive away. By the time we arrived, the place was already packed, and we had to park some 2km(1mi?) away from where we wanted to be and walk the rest of the way. Once we got closer, everybody was waiting and being told to move away from one area, and in Kiswahili the soldiers who were moving the crowds announced whoever was with the mzungus to please tell them where to go... it was amusing...

We had hoped to see our recruit before the parade, but then that wasn't possible, so our day of waiting commenced. We opted out of the parade if we even might have been allowed in as there were so many people, and as the President as Commander-in-Chief was attending, it really was no small affair. I can say I was in the general area of the Kenyan president even if I did not see him. Incidentally, he was late making the whole day run late, but I enjoyed waiting. I don't get out much, and this was prime people watching as there were so very many of us waiting for our recruits. Eventually they began to trickle out and it was fun to watch the young soldiers reunited with their families. Celebration here in Kenya is often accompanied with song, so you would see the young recruit surrounded by a throng of happy, singing people and it was a beautiful site.

Our poor recruit meanwhile had the hardest time finding his party as the cellphone lines were clogged, but after three hours with storm clouds threatening to let loose, he found us. It was a moving moment with the Madam, the recruit, and most of the others in our party in tears at the reunion. It was a big day not only for this young man, but for all of Hope because that is the vision here... That children who would have had no opportunity and been nobody in the eyes of Kenya can have both a hope and a future, and so when the children grow and achieve their dreams, it is a testimony to the possibility for each and every one...

We got poured on during these touching moments of reunion and had to race to our vehicles, and after dropping the recruit off to finish his last two days before we could pick him on Sunday, we encountered my worst traffic jam in Kenya, waiting five hours to get all of 10km back to Eldoret. That is what happens when everybody is leaving together... It was a little ridiculous though as we would move a few feet and then the drivers would all cut their engines, take naps and the passengers would get out of the car and walk around unless you were me and packed four tight in the backseat... Eventually we made it to Eldoret and had chicken and chips around midnight at a 24hr restaurant... yum!

Now, because Eldoret is near the border with Uganda and rather far from Kinangop and because we had to be back in Eldoret on Sunday and the Madam wanted to check on the girl in Uganda, she decided to go to Uganda between Friday night and Sunday morning, taking some of the party with her, including me and the other volunteer... So from our 24hr restaurant we headed to the border, passing immigration around 6:30am. I am getting good at crossing the border in to Uganda as this is my third time; once over Christmas, in March by myself and now this past weekend...

We were in Uganda for all of 22 hours, most of which we drove. First we drove to Iganga where the girl used to go to school to get the address for the school she was transferred to(around 100km...) and then we turned around and drove north to Soroti where she now goes to school(another four or five hours...). The new school seems like a good place though and is run by Catholic nuns who seem very committed. The girl seemed happy although I don't know if she remembered me from Christmas. It was good we went because Madam was able to straighten out her affairs, and show the school that she had somebody to stand by her as the girls family was playing rather absentee.

From Soroti it was back to the border where we arrived around 2am... I wish I knew how many kilometres we travelled... but it was definitely a lot. After crossing, we stopped over at a guesthouse in the border town and it was lovely to be able to bathe and sleep in a bed instead of the backseat after two days... Also, it came with a really good breakfast the next morning.

Then, the two hours back to Eldoret to pick up our recruit, but there were some delays so we spent most of Sunday afternoon waiting at a local restaurant where thankfully there was a playground for our three small traveling companions, Madam's three four year olds who do remarkably well traveling in cars, but loved the chance to run and play and swing and slide... Madam wants to get a playground here for the nursery school, and it would be lovely if she is able.

Around five we were able to pick up our recruit and start our journey home, arriving around midnight. On Friday, all the soldiers had been in uniform, but on Sunday they were in their street clothes and looked much younger. Most were catching buses home, so our recruit got to bask in the glory of being picked up by our beautiful Madam in her friends posh car as he leaned out the window calling fond farewells. Now he gets to spend two weeks with the greater family here at Hope before heading to his assignment. I think we are going to have a celebration one of these days...

It really was a fun weekend for me. I enjoyed getting to spend some quality time with Madam, the elements of roadtripping, getting to see the girl in Uganda again. The best part though was the celebration and reunion with our soldier that I was very honored to get to be a part of. Truly, the work of Hope is amazing. It is not to meet the basic needs of these children, but to give they a home, a family, a hope and a future and to help them by God's grace and faithfulness achieve their dreams.

Back to school in the rainy season

School opened on Tuesday and I am enjoying being back, and I think even the students, after their nice long break, are ready to be back to studying. I had forgotten how busy a school day can be though, with the break times morning bell of 8 o'clock a mere memory replaced by the rather cold early hour of 6:30. Busy and full as I continue to teach a solid load of classes and try to also be present in the nursery when I am able.

Meanwhile, while last term was teaching in the dry season, this term is teaching in the rainy season which poses some challenges. Namely, it rains pretty consistently in the afternoon which means our afternoon periods are somewhat lost. For me, most days I only have morning classes and am unaffected, but Thursday and Friday I do have some English periods in the afternoon and yesterday got to experience my first attempt at teaching during a torrential downpour. Remember, our schoolhouse is tin, and torrential downpours on tin makes for a deafening roar. Also, one wonders over the logistics of lightning and said metal walls... During my downpour I gave the students an assignment on the blackboard, but it is much better if we can go over it together as a class before they complete. However, yesterday at least, the assignment was thankfully self explanatory. The headteacher referred to afternoon lessons during the rainy season as lost periods though, and while of all the schools in the district we ranked quite high, the goal is to have our school rank number one. I think they can do it, but the rain does bring challenges.

They did get the district scores yesterday, ranking our primary against almost thirty others in the district, and like I said, we really did quite well, even with English ranking quite well. Our lagging grades are class seven and eight, which with the grade eight secondary entry exam, the KCPE, looming in the future is worrisome. Yesterday afternoon the teachers met, and me too as I was stranded by the rain and do teach class seven English, to discuss strategies. I really admire the teachers here. They are very committed to both the school but more importantly to the students as individuals. The headteacher emphasized the responsibility we have, I was honored to be included in his conference, as teachers and counselors but also reminded the rest of us that we also often stand in the role of parents for these children, as the teachers are the adults the children know best. He also reminded us that for the class sevens and eights, while we might think we are teaching them, their thoughts might be anywhere else; essentially, he reminded us that they are going through adolescence. The teachers here are quality!

Meanwhile, with the new term, our toddlers have started nursery school which is really good. They had outgrown their playroom and were in danger of growing quite unruly, but I think they are at the perfect age to learn. They even got uniforms and look super smart. Currently, they don't have a classroom because this weekend even the secondary students are supposed to move into the almost completed secondary building to clear out their rooms for the nursery school. They have been having class in the dining hall though, and truly are enjoying their new atmosphere of learning.

In other news, in the world of westerners, my friend from England left this week and will be greatly missed. She was a lot of fun always teasing the children and really standing in the gap of the nursery over the holidays. I will miss having tea with her back in our rooms and talking about the crazy adventures of a day. However, fortunately for my sake as I rather like having tea and talking about the crazy happenings of life here, the week before she left, another young woman from Canada came and will be here for two months, so I have my evening company still. She will be here up until two weeks before I leave, and while she has only been here a week, I am convinced will do quite well and we have had fun together with the kids.

Meanwhile, this week back at school has rather raced by, and I know my last two and a half months will do the same because the weeks do fly during the busyness of school... I am constantly reminded of how blessed I am to be here, and as I don't think they will have more such long-term visitors here at least in the immediate future, I feel very blessed to be the person who had the opportunity to stay here with these children, in this family, the longest.

April holidays continue...

Greetings from Kenya and a late happy Easter! Here we continue on with our April holidays as we are breaking the school for the month of April like everyone else... while still thankful for my holiday to Uganda when I was told we were on break, I remain and will remain confused as to why I was told to go when I was... At the same time, I have enjoyed life on holiday here...

For me this has meant spending a lot of time with the toddlers, especially as we have had some nanny turnover and are currently down a few... The toddlers are at a great age for playing, games, singing silly Western nursery songs to the nannies great amusement, and my latest favorite thing... dance parties! Those babies know how to dance and I have been learning a lot of new moves although recently the older boys have been borrowing our radio to my dismay...

 Last Wednesday I even got to go into Nairobi as a proxy nanny with Madam. Two of the little babies needed to go in for injections, so I got to visit the rather impressive Jomo Kenyatta Hospital, and be utterly embarrassed when her three three year olds decided to make a great escape and I proceeded to chase them, or follow them as I was holding one of the babies, all around the hospital compound to try and get them back to our waiting room... While I love the babies and toddlers, I don't know if I could really be a nanny... It is hard work!

These past weeks have also held some lovely opportunities for cross-cultural exchange and for sharing life together outside of the routine. I got to help with my mzungu friend in the kitchen on two different occasions; the first sorting rocks out of the next days beans(no small feat when those beans feed two hundred people... we did a good job, but often you do find rocks in your food...), and then another day washing up the lunch dishes and amusing everyone by my attempts to mop the kitchen floor like a Kenyan(at that particular moment in addition to the kitchen boys, several of the nannies were in getting hot water, so the amusement was widespread...). Helping in the kitchen was fun too just for the sake of laughter, as the kitchen boys liked to teach, and test, our knowledge of Kiswahili and tease us for not understanding... and teach us Kenyan sheng(slang). Even if so often the joke really is on me, I love laughter and laughing at myself with those around me and how laughter can unite.

On another occasion, I 'helped' fix the driveway, or more accurately watched the kids fix the driveway while hanging out with some of the teachers and talking about how things are the same, and different... In Kenya, time is told based on the sun, and as the sun rises and sets pretty much the same time the whole year round, this works. So seven in the morning is saa moja, one o'clock, and you count from there with seven in the evening being saa moja again. It works... but I was explaining to two of the teachers how we don't tell time like that in America because the days change... getting long in the summer months and short in the winter months. I even gave the example of Alaska where in the summer it is daylight and the winter it is night. They were baffled and said if a Kenyan went to Alaska without knowing that, they would think the world was ending!

Then, for the Good Friday/Easter weekend, we celebrated Good Friday here and it was lovely fun and good feasting. I also got to witness a massive butchering operation of the twelve chickens which served as the highlight of our feast, and yes, twelve chickens can serve 200 people... as an addition to rice and beans. With the chickens, at least twenty of the primary boys were helping; plucking the chickens by placing them in boiling water, removing their organs and even the food the chickens had eaten that morning, and then cutting them into smaller pieces using a machete... Apparently we eat everything... the heads, the feet, and a good part of the organs... I told them that I had never seen a chicken be butchered before because generally if you are buying a chicken to eat in America, you buy it dead, but here, even if you are going to eat a chicken that you bought, you buy it live in the marketplace, butcher it yourself and eat it fresh...

Anyways, that is the news from my life in Kenya... I have been here in Kenya eight months this past week with three remaining... the days seems to be racing now, and I feel very blessed for how with time, the relationships get better and better and there are more and more opportunities to share life together in more and more ways. With both the good and the challenging, so much of life here feels like family life with its ups and downs. Like so much of the world these days, our budget is not all what might be hoped and the secondary school which should have been completed months ago creeps on towards completion... If you pray, pray for that, as when it is finally done, I think everyone will sigh a sigh of relief and most especially our Madam.

School opens again on May 3 and hopefully that all starts up smoothly and I am allowed to continue on with my classes. The children really have been having a lovely break and after a few days of just sitting in their classrooms they were rescued by the pastor into the sunshine for Bible study and even the other day had a singing lesson from a visiting teacher and for just general times of playing and relaxation. On several occasions when we had brought the toddlers outside, the children were free and played with them and that is always so fun to watch and oversee. It truly is family life here.